Thursday, August 9, 2007
11:21 PM
Today outing was fun
like it a lot
tat is wad i called
"sense of belonging"
hehe
gonna 1 thing mak me kenna sad
but not mui friends de fault la
is mui own problem
i look sad not cos i am angry wit them
but is angry wit mui self
as why i keep tryin to lose fats but i still cannot mak it
and mui greatest enemy is fats
nowadays realli cos of fats become veri sensitive and depressed
so wen someone said fat tis thingy
i will feel veri zhi bei
hai,dunno why also
like de whole person goin mad man
somemore still did things tat not realli gd to say
and also keep losin temper easily
i am realli sry man
may be i realli expected too much of mui self
so wen there is somethin tat is not perfect 2 me
i will be damn stress
somemore fat is something tat will affect mui look and image
i can honestly say tat i am realli lookin to into look le
so habin a high expectation of muiself
i realli dunno wad happens to me
cos of tat incident
it makes me so afraid of fat
imagine de person u like
said u r fat
but although he explained 2 me tat
he said it just to console me
cos i did said somethin negative abt him
den feelin veri bad
so he said tat 2 me is to stop me from feelin bad
lettin me know tat everyone hab expectation wit de person he or she like
i noe he dun mind whether am i fat
but i wan to show him de best part of me
as well as mui self
but i can said tat the word realli hurt me a lot
even though he does not mean it
cos i habin too much expectation le
so could not accept mui self in tis way
i wan a perfect me
so i will strive
but i indeed mak lots of effort in it
but i see no diff
but more bad comments
tat is wad tat makes me sad
wad should i do?
i wan to be slim asap
so pls help me
i hab exercise at nite le
so gif me strength to perserve on
to go gym
pls
help me
dun let me look down on mui self anymore
or lose de power to face ppl
although ppl said i should not tak it so seriously
just slowly losin fats
but i can't wait
realli...
cos i can't stand it
de more days wit tis size
de more i dun dare to face others
so dun let me go on anymore
let me hab de will to carry on wit mui life
let me hab de confident back to face others
i noe i sound so not like me
if ppl who noe me veri well
saw tis entry of mine
but i met de dead end
so no point of keepin de image
wen u dun even hab de image
fats mak me so ugly
fats mak others stayin away from me
so keep goin
aja aja hwaitin
tak off those fats from me
ka0ri(depressed,troubled,worried)
"feelin so blue"
